And keeps passing....

Well, one goal was accomplished...only six months since the last post instead of eight.  I would be tempted to question whether I even still need this blog, but I know myself well enough to know that if I get rid of it, I will desperately need it in the next few months.

So, how are you?  I hope that this new turning of the wheel (Halloween, or Samhain, is the ancient Celtic New Year's Festival) finds you and yours loving, laughing, and living with true abandon.

Another birthday has passed for me, and today marks the 40th of my mate.  Let me tell you about this man of mine...he chooses not to follow a specific god, choosing instead to honor the idea of faith and the truth of each person's heart.  It isn't that he doesn't care, or isn't concerned with his own soul, but that instead, he is so open minded in this matter that closing any possible positive pathways just doesn't occur to him.  His papa is Christian, and I know he is concerned.  I hope someday that they come to an understanding with one another that their paths are much closer than either imagines.  I hope that Senior understands some day that his son has chosen a path that is nothing but positive, and that he has spent his life helping others understand that the journey is most of the fun.  If his dad hadn't been the open-minded, open-hearted person that he is, then the circumstances of my Bear's life could have created a bitter, closed-souled little man instead of the joyful giant that I love.

And then there is the fact that it is impossible, literally impossible, for me to feel bad or negatively toward myself with this man around.  Every flaw I mention is taken,, analyzed, and handed back to me with a bit of wisdom about what this flaw teaches me, or, taught others, in my life.  A nugget of truth about the nature of imperfection, and about how our creator created perfection by inviting, encouraging, and nurturing those things that make us different from one another.  And he values me more than I ever imagined was possible.  The old adage "one man's trash is another man's treasure" is so true, and I never realized it applied to relationships too.  I never realized that my problem with people wanting me to enter 'open' relationships was that I didn't feel treasured and valued when people were offering to share me with other people.

But that isn't the best part...how was it possible for me to find a man who would fit my intellect, tastes, and interests so perfectly?  A man that actually doesn't get annoyed when I got on a three hour etymological search for the source of a word, and is more than willing to discuss the psychological reasons behind word choices that really don't matter to the content of the message I am reading?  Not only does he not get annoyed, he proposes possible sources and then enjoys seeing and hearing how close he got to guessing where a word came from.  And he understands when I watch a commercial and rant for a week about how they really failed in getting their message across because a phrase or an image they used calls to mind the wrong associations for a random member of their target demographic.

Not that he is perfect...no, try getting him to eat something he doesn't already KNOW he likes, and you will see more stubborn mulish toddler-like refusal to try something new than I got with any of my three children.  Hurt him deeply, and he is done with you.  He carries a grudge longer than any woman I have ever known, and he sometimes seems to forget the idea that people may have grown in the decades since he saw them last.  But he doesn't deny his faults.  He accepts that they are there, and tries really hard to talk himself into trying to lessen them....I even got him to try a bite of a new food the other day!

But like the other things he has shown me, his imperfections just prove how perfectly matched we truly are.  He challenges my intellect, but not my self-confidence, and makes me know that there really is a haven at the end of the long, difficult day (or life) and that it is possible, even when you feel you have completely failed in finding that life-mate, to turn and realize he was right behind you, carrying your luggage, the entire time.

So, Happy Birthday to my bear.  I love you.  I appreciate you, for your faults as much as for your favors.  I am so glad I chose to tie myself to you, and Thank You.  Thank you for being who you are.  So, Senior and Mom, Thank you for getting together and walking a path together long enough to create this true jewel that has stormed my fortress walls and stolen the whole throne room.  I love you both too!


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HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MY TREE!

Sara, age 41, and very happy.

Time Passes

Wow, does it ever.  Eight months since I wrote, and what a busy eight months it has been.  I have been working hard on re-cementing old friendships and such in the Louisville area, as well as separating myself (legally and figuratively) from my felonious soon-to-be-ex-husband.  In the process, I have redetermined the goal of regaining custody of my two younger children, my Tier-bear and Eri-Berry.  I have serious concerns about some of their emotional care in recent months.  All I can do is hope that can regain custody of them before the taks of helping them recover gets too much harder.
I have had the unfortunate experience of being forced to realize that when you take the high road of not talking badly about an ex, you run the risk of them being the only one informing your friends about what happened.  I have realized that I have lost a couple of really close friends because I chose to keep my mouth shut rather than disillusion them regarding people they thought they knew well.  I suppose my attitude has to be that if they had really cared to know the truth, they would have worked until they got the information out of me.  Those that did know the other side of the story now, and are at least able to better discern what they want out of a future relationship with me.
Anyway, some of the best news is that after 17 years of dancing around the bush, a long time love of mine and I are finally truly united.  We will be married as soon as it is legal, and I hope that those who love us will rejoice with us at our union.  I struggled with the decision to join myself to anyone again, but this joining is one that I am walking into with eyes wide open, having experienced friendship and love both with this man, and being able to really trust for the first time in a long time that any hurts will be unintentional.
So, that is what is going on in the world of SaraSometimes...hopefully I will make the length of time between posts a lot shorter next time.
Love, Sara